Moving Out & Moving On

Well, I finally did it!  I called it quits with Vince.  After nearly 9 months of me trying to convince him of the value of marriage and my wife potential, I realized that Vince is never going to marry me. So I ended it and moved out.  I'm free!  Or at least that's what my friends tell me.  Now comes that beautiful phase referred to as REBOUNDING.

I've created a couple of online profiles at Nora's suggestion.  She says it will be a great way for me to jump back into the dating game. But I haven't actually responded to any of the emails I've gotten.

On another note, I'm loving my new apartment. It's super comfortable and right on the West Side. So I can hop on my bike and get to Venice Beach in 10 minutes.  My neighbors are straight up WEIRD though. There's this one guy who knocks on my door like every 20 minutes, which is kind of annoying.  And the chic who lives upstairs is this blonde, Paris Hilton-esque socialite who walks around the complex in kitten heels and a silk bathrobe. Who does that?!

"Avant Garde Goddess" the web series is coming your way!

 Hapa Entertainment Productions has picked up the rights to the Avant Garde Goddess and is going into pre-production on the web series.  The cast is already being assembled, with some of Hollywood's top Talent slated to fill the roles.

The Avant Garde Goddess web series will follow the life of Giovanna Garde as she navigates the world of dating & relating in L.A.  Her group of friends provide comic relief to Giovanna's otherwise depressing hunt for creative work that both pays the bills and satisfies her passion for writing.  When Giovanna finally lands what seems to be her dream job, will it put her back on top?  And will an affair with an old co-worker turn into the true love she's been looking for?   You've got to watch and see!

CAST
Giovanna Garde - Shannon Komai McClain
Bill - Kyle T. Heffner 
Leslie - Natalie Victoria
Tyson - Josh Davis
Simone - Nisa Ward
Marco - Marco Bonilla
Michael - Victor Dean
Nora - Lorna Umphrey
Veronica - Kerry-Ann Ellington
Brandon - Isaac Keys
Bill - Kyle T. Heffner
Dana - Vita Lusty
Anthony - Mike DiGiacinto
Malcolm - Al Bayan

He Hasn't Called & I Feel Like I'm Going CRAZY!

     Tyson & I headed to Sharky's on Washington to dance off some of our energy.  Before I knew it, it was 1:45 in the morning, and they were shutting the place down.  So we headed back to my apartment.

     It had been over six hours since we took the E.  I was still feeling waves of energy and emotions coming and going.  It felt kind of like riding a roller coaster.  For 20-30 mins, everything would feel normal, then the high would kick in again.  When that happened, I'd have the desire to touch Tyson, talk to him, and connect.  No wonder they call Ecstasy "The Love Drug".  I felt happy.  Euphoric.  Free.  No inhibitions.  Like a little kid.


    When we got back to my place, we hopped into the shower to cool off and calm us down a bit.  I definitely felt sexual and super touchy-feely. But I didn't necessarily have the desire to have sex.  When we toweled off, we climbed into bed next to each other naked and laid there waiting for our bodies and minds to settle down.  I could also feel Tyson's erection poking me in my side.

ME:  Will you be mad at me if we don't have sex?

TYSON:  No, I won't be mad at you.  I mean, I want to have sex, but whatever.

ME:  It's just, I want to just lay here and feel you.

Tyson was silent.

ME:  Plus, I heard that if you have sex while your on E it will never feel as good again.

He laughed.

TYSON:  That's an old wives tale.  I've had sex on it before, and afterwards everything was just fine.

I shrugged and cuddled in closer under his arm.  A few moments later, I could hear his breathing level off.  This was the first time he'd ever stayed with me through the whole night.


                                                          ***

     At about 9:30am, I heard someone moving around in my bedroom.  I rolled over and wiped a little bit of drool off of my chin.  The bed next to me was empty.  I looked over and saw Tyson peering at his own reflection in the mirror, and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

ME:  Good morning.

TYSON:  Morning.

He walked over and gave me a peck on the cheek.

TYSON:  I gotta take off.  My roommate needs a ride to pick up her car from the shop.

ME:  Ok.  I'll see you soon?

TYSON:  Sure.

He started out of the room, then turned back.

TYSON:  Drink some orange juice and go for a walk or something.  It'll help with the After-E blues.

ME:  Thanks.

     Well, the huge glass of orange juice I drank an hour later DIDN'T help.  Neither did sitting in the bottom of my shower crying for no apparent reason like I was in some 1980's movie starring Molly Ringwald.  I felt tired, depleted, and agitated.  So I fixed myself a huge salad, then cleaned my apartment from top to bottom.   By then, it was 4:30 in the afternoon.  I looked at my phone.  Nothing.  No call from Tyson to check up on me and see how I was feeling.  No call from my mom, or any of my girlfriends, not even a call from Marco.  No one loved me today.

    I tried to shake it off.  Maybe Tyson was right. Maybe a nice jog would make me feel better.  Instead of going on my normal route around my neighborhood, I opted for a run in Santa Monica near the stairs.  I changed into a Dodgers baseball cap, and old pair of cut off sweatpants with a Univ of Miami t-shirt.  I wasn't exactly winning any fashion awards today.

     It was your typical Southern California day. Bright, sunny with tons of people outside being active.  I remember thinking to myself, 'God it seems a bit TOO sunny out today. Can you scale it back a bit please?'  Then I realized my attitude was probably just the After-E blues talking as I put on my shades and did a few rounds on the stairs.  After stretching, I began a light jog towards the ocean.  Wow. This really DID work, I was starting to feel better.  Then I saw him.  But NO, that couldn't be him!  I stopped and dipped behind a palm tree as I looked at who I THOUGHT appeared to be Tyson sitting on a bench on Ocean Avenue with a tiny brunette.  I took off my sunglasses and rubbed my eyes.  He turned his face a little towards me and, yup that was him.

     My heart was pounding in my ears. I felt light-headed.  What was wrong with me? Why was my body reacting like this?  I'm sure it was just a friend, or maybe his roommate.  Then he leaned over and kissed her, and my heart dropped into my stomach.  The girl nuzzled up next to him and I could see that they were holding hands and their fingers were interlaced like lovers.  He'd never held MY hand like that. Then he pulled the girl onto his lap so that she was straddling him and I almost lost my salad.  I turned away from the scene and leaned my back against the palm tree trying to steady my breathing.  Who was this girl?!  Was it his girlfriend??  What was going on?

     By the time I turned back around, they had gotten up and were walking in the opposite direction.  I stopped myself from running up to them and saying hello.  Probably because my feet felt like they were being held down by cement.  I touched my face and felt wet tears on my cheek.

Ecstasy Days, Moonbeam Nights

I was ten minutes late getting to the coffee shop on Venice to meet Brandon.  Lucky for me, he's consistently fifteen minutes late every time we link up.

BRANDON:  Sorry, Gia.  I lost track of time at the gym and then traffic was crazy on the way here and-

ME:  Brandon, relax. It's ok.  I got you a Cafe Latte non-fat w/ Splenda.

BRANDON:  You know me well.

ME:  Yes I do.

BRANDON:  So how's the new job?

ME:  It's fantastic!  I'm flying to New York in 2 days to do a fitness segment on Good Morning America.

BRANDON:  G! That's fantastic.  Wow!  A few months ago, I thought I was going to have to commit you and now-you're a star.

ME:  I wasn't THAT bad.

BRANDON:  I'm really proud of you.

ME:  How are things with you?  

BRANDON:  Couldn't be better.  My contract with "Generations of Bold Children" got picked up for a year.  I'm officially a soap opera star.

ME:  Suddenly, the world all makes sense.

BRANDON:  Not exactly my dream acting gig, but it's a hell of a lot better than slinging drinks at Birds.

ME:   Plus you get to make out with hot actresses all day long.

BRANDON:  Bonus.

ME:  What's your girlfriend think about all this?

BRANDON:  My lady?  She's cool.  Now I can actually afford a ticket to New York to see her more than once a year.

ME:  I don't know how you two lovebirds do it.  Long distance for 2 years?!  

BRANDON:  It's definitely not easy.

ME:  Why don't you just marry her and BE together.

BRANDON:  She's got her job in New York with the consulting firm making SICK money. There's no way I could ask her to give that up.

ME:  And I don't really picture you singing and skipping across a Broadway stage.

BRANDON: Uh, no.

ME:  So do you notice anything different about me?

BRANDON:  Your hair?

ME:  No.

BRANDON:  Hmmm...there's a little sparkle in your eye.  You got laid!

ME:  Bingo!

BRANDON:  Who's the lucky guy?

ME:  Well, I don't want to say much because I don't want to jinx it.  But we've been seeing each other for about 6 weeks now and it's pretty intense.

BRANDON:  Holy shit.  Giovanna has broken her celibacy vow.

ME:  It wasn't a VOW per se.  I was just waiting for the right guy and the right moment.

BRANDON:  Well good luck.  So when are you going to see him again?

ME:  Tonight.

A few hours later, I was waiting anxiously at my apartment for Tyson to show up with the goods.  As I checked my cell phone for the tenth time, I heard a knock at the door.

TYSON:  You look HOT!

ME:  Thanks.  Come on in.

Tyson plopped down on the couch and picked up the remote.  I sat down next to him excitedly.

ME:  So???

TYSON: I got it.  Don't you trust me?

ME:  That is yet to be determined.  Let's see it!

He pulled a small baggie out of his pocket and dangled it in front of me.

TYSON:  My boy, Mike told me this is the best stuff. Pure MDMA.

ME:  So what's the plan?

TYSON:  I'm thinking we drop it here, wait about 30 minutes until the sun is about to set, then head down to the beach.

ME:  Great idea.  

About 45 minutes later, sitting with Tyson on the balcony, I started to recognize the familiar signs.  My hands began to sweat.  The color of the palm trees suddenly seemed to glow a brilliant green, and they waved in slow motion as if saying "Hello, Giovanna. Look how beautiful we are."

I took a deep, slow breath and felt my heart pumping rapidly inside my chest.  Then a wave of emotion passed over me.  Suddenly, their was a moist feeling between my legs.  I looked at Tyson.

TYSON:  You feeling it?

ME:  Yup.

TYSON:  You ok?

ME:  I feel amazing.

TYSON:  Good.  Let's head to the beach.

As we drove along Venice Blvd, I leaned my head against the car window and let my hand dance in the wind rushing by.  I could hear everything so clearly-little children laughing, birds chirping, and I swear I could even hear the flowers blooming.  They all combined to create an orchestra of sounds that tickled my ears.  

We parked the car in the lot and I immediately dashed towards the water.  Putting my feet into the sand felt like a mini-orgasm.  I bent down to touch it and let it run through my finger tips.

ME:  Do you FEEL that? 

Tyson walked up behind me smiling and tousled my hair.

TYSON:  Feels good, huh?

He took my hand and we walked down to the water's edge.  At some point, we must have kicked off our shoes because when I looked down, both of our feet were bare and the cold, salty water was creating a pooling around our toes.  Tyson suddenly scooped me up and chased the tide as it headed back out towards the skyline.  I screamed with delight and begged him not to throw me into the water.   

A few moments later, we were laying on our backs in the dry sand staring up at the sky.  It was streaked with lines of blue, purple, orange, and red.

ME:  Do you think God considers himself a painter?

TYSON:  I don't know if there is a God.

I rolled over onto my side and leaned on his chest.

ME:  You don't know if there's a God?!  How can you look at that and not feel the presence of God?

TYSON:  How do you know God's a guy?  If there is a God, I think she's a woman.  That's the only way to explain natural disasters.  God's on her period and feeling moody for no apparent reason.

ME:  Oh PLEASE!

TYSON:  It's the only explanation for why everything is lunar and cyclical. 

ME:  Do you want to have kids?

TYSON:  How'd we end up here?

ME:  I don't know. It just popped into my head.

TYSON:  I don't know if I'd make a good dad.  I'm really selfish.

ME:  Isn't it natural to want to leave a piece of yourself here?  So when you're gone, there's a part of you that will live on.

TYSON:  This world is really messed up.  I'm not sure I'd want to bring a kid into all of this.

ME:  Well I do.  I think I'd make a great mom.

TYSON:  I was talking to my roommate, Terri about kids and she said if everyone who wanted to have a child adopted one first, there would be no more orphanages or foster kids.

ME:  That's very noble of her.

TYSON:  Most animals just come together to mate, then they move on.

ME:  Are you comparing humans to all the other beasts of nature?

TYSON:  I mean, if you think about it, it makes sense.  Man and woman stay together long enough to create their progeny, then once the child has survived the first few years of life, they go their own separate ways.

ME:  What about love?

TYSON:  What about it?

ME:  Don't you believe that two human beings can connect so deeply that they want to be together forever?

TYSON:  Combined, my parents have been married a total of six times.  My dad has 7 kids by 5 different women.

ME:  He was a rolling stone.

TYSON:  Speaking of rolling, this E has me wanting to move.

I looked back towards the line of bars and clubs on Washington.

ME:  I hear some music coming from that way...

TYSON:  Let's go! 

Sex-capades and Strip clubs

     The power of S-E-X is overwhelming.  After hooking up with Tyson a few weeks ago, we've been engaging in citywide Sex-capades.  We did it in his car. We did outside of a bar.  We did it on the beach. We did it and I screeched. We did it at his mom's house. We did it while I wore a blouse.  And then we did it some more.

We were like 2 teenagers who just couldn't get enough.  Sometimes, we'd go out to eat. Other times, he'd just come over for an afternoon delight and head to the golf course right after.

     We even somehow ended up at a strip club near LAX, drunk out of our minds.  He insisted on buying me a lap dance for the both of us. We went to the semi-private room and I chatted with the stripper through the entire thing.

    "So, how long have you been dancing here?"  "I like your belly button ring."  "Can you say no if you DON'T want to give someone a lap dance?  Like if the guy is old and fat and gross?"  "Did you take a class to learn all this?"


     When we left the strip club, we only made it a few blocks away before we were tearing each other's clothes off.   So Tyson pulled his car off into a Target parking lot and we did it there.  And then,  he surprised me.........

MARCO:  He wants you to do ecstasy with him?

ME:  Yeah.  As we were getting dressed, he asked me if I ever did ecstasy before. I told him, of course I had.  I mean, I was a teenager in the 90's and have been to a rave or two in my day.  And then he suggested we roll together.

MARCO:  Ay dios ME-E-E-O!  What are you going to DO???

ME:  I don't know. I mean, it's been years since I've done it.  But why not.

MARCO:  Chica, it doesn't sound like you two need any ecstasy.  Everything sounds ecstatic enough already!

ME:  It does, doesn't it?  (I blushed.)

MARCO:  Well, let me know how that goes for you.

ME:  How are you and Ryan doing?

MARCO:  Ay, chica.  Ryan is straighter than George Clooney.

ME:  But I thought you said you guys had chemistry.

MARCO:  We do! But I don't think the chemistry is romantic.  He's YOUNG!  I'm a viejo.  He's white. I'm a fiery Latin lover!  I think he may be curious, but the boy is definitely not gay.  And I am not interested in twisting & turning anyone out. I need a MAN.

ME:  Well good for you.

MARCO:  I think he'll be a great friend to me, but lovers we are not.

(I looked down at my watch.)

ME:  Oh Shit, Marco!  I'm supposed to meet Brandon in 5 minutes.

MARCO:  Oooh la la, BRANDON!

ME:  Please. We're just friends.

MARCO:  You say this, but whenever I see the two of you together, I feel magico!

ME:  I think everyone feels magico when they're around Brandon.  It's his biceps. They are marvelous.

MARCO:  Oooooooh!

ME: Stop it. You're making me think dirty thoughts.  Ciao Mi Amor.

MARCO:  Ciao Mi preciosa!

Tyson's Mighty Full Monty

            I did it!  After one year of complete abstinence, I literally did "IT".  I had sex!!!  And it was mind blowing, body quivering, heart-poundingly DELICIOUS!

No, it wasn’t with Rodrigo.  Although we had rekindled our high school flame, it looks like he’s also got some wood burning with Julie.    And IT certainly wasn’t with my boss.  Good old Mr. Fit may be easy on the eyes, but the fact that he hit on me when he knows FULL well I know he’s married with kids gave me the heeby jeebies.

The IT happened with my old co-worker Tyson.  We worked together at the L.A. Times before I was unceremoniously laid off six months ago.  Tyson and I were both staff writers for the paper. There had always been some electricity between the two of us.  And I'll admit it, also a little casual flirtation.  But at the time, I was in a long-term live-in relationship with my ex-boyfriend, Mark.  Mark also happened to be the Sports Editor at the L.A. Times.  He and Tyson were not friends, but they definitely knew one another and would say hello in passing when Mark would swing by my desk to pick me up for lunch dates.

About a year ago, Mark had what I call a 30-something crisis.  He quit his job at The Times.  He also broke up with me and decided to go on a “spiritual journey” in Brazil.  Yeah right! More like an Ass-tastic voyage.   So I moved out of our apartment and in with a roommate in Santa Monica.

After Mark’s exit from the paper, Tyson was ON it...and by IT, I mean ME. He started by taking me out for lunch almost everyday. Then he suggested some private golf lessons at a local course, which involved alot of him standing behind me as I swung clubs at the driving range.  He even started calling me whenever he was in my area, and we’d go out for Happy Hour followed by walks along Venice Beach.  

A few months later, I got laid off from the L.A. Times.  Tyson had given me a heads up before it happened. He said he’d been in our bosses office and noticed a document with the title SEVERANCE PACKAGES that had a list of names below.  So when myself and 8 other employees were called into the conference room that Friday morning by our Human Resources manager, Ken, I wasn’t surprised. 

I took my severance package and headed off to Europe for a few months for a whirlwind holiday meeting up with friends in various cities.  My mom even joined me in Paris for a few days.  It was an incredible adventure, and possibly the best way for me to avoid falling into a severe depression.  Think about it.  In the matter of a few months, I’d ended a three-year relationship, moved to a new part of town, and lost my job.  But the beaches of Ibiza, the wine of Italy, and the men of Spain definitely helped me recuperate.  That is, until I returned to L.A.  and I was without a job and watching all of my friends, get engaged, have babies, and buy homes.  That kind of explains why my new writing job for BE Fit Magazine came at just the right time.   I really needed that boost to my self-esteem.

Anyway, back to Tyson.  I was out shopping with my best girlfriend Camila when I got a call from Ty.

TYSON:  Hey there my little world traveler!

ME:  Hey Tyson. How are you?

TYSON:  I’d be doing a lot better if you had called me when you got back into town.

ME:  I’m sorry. I’ve just had a lot going on.  How are things at The Times?

TYSON:  Not good. People are dropping like flies. They let go of Martin, Sara and Lucy last week.

ME:  Are you serious? Lucy’s been there for 10 years!  And she's pregnant.

TYSON:  I know. It was really sad. It just isn’t the same here….without you.

ME:  Oh, I’m sure you’ve found some other girl to go golfing and have lunch with.

TYSON:  Nope.  I’ve been waiting for you.

ME: (blushing)  Whatever.

TYSON:  So, there’s this incredible exhibit at LACMA and I was wondering if you wanted to go with me.  Maybe grab some dinner afterwards?

ME:   I heard about it. Is it the Quetzalcoatl in Ancient Mexico exhibit?

TYSON:  That’s the one!  And they have live music outside on the lawn Friday night too.

ME:  Don’t say anything else.  You had me at Quetzalcoatl.

            The two of us enjoyed a beautiful night together.  We drank wine.  Lots of wine.  We ate good food. We danced under the stars and debated about the lack of art that portrays the Afro-Latin experience in America.  Then we made our way back to my place for a night cap. 

            Have you ever had the kind of sex that takes you to another realm?  I hadn’t experienced that before Friday night.   When we arrived at my apartment, I was happy to see my roommate left a note on the fridge saying he’d be gone for the weekend visiting his parents in Orange County.  I was just about to open up the cabinet to offer Tyson a drink, when he came up behind me.  He turned me around, grabbed my face with both of his hands and started kissing me so suddenly and passionately, it literally took my breath away.  My legs started to feel like wet noodles so I tried to steady myself by holding on to the counter.  Noticing my unsteadiness, Tyson picked me up and carried me upstairs.

TYSON:  Which way? (He growled in a deep voice that sounded nothing like his regular voice.)

I moaned and pointed towards my bedroom.

          Tyson laid me on the edge of the bed and pulled off his shirt revealing a tattoo on his chest and shoulder I had no idea was there. Then he slowly took off each piece of my clothing and kissed parts of my body I forgot existed.  His lips brushed over my shoulder, my collarbone, and the inside of my arm.  His tongue left a moist trail from the back of my knee all the way up into my inner thigh.  Then his mouth was between my legs and I felt like my body was elevated off of the bed.  I exhaled all of the pent up sadness, anger and disappointment that was living inside me from the loss of my relationship with Mark.  As Tyson slowly put his fingers inside of me, my body tightened and then I released all memory of anyone else’s touch before his.  His fingers tickled the inside of me as his mouth caressed the outside.  I felt the waves of orgasm start passing over me and I cried out as I released. 

            That was just the beginning.  Tyson then pulled back the covers, picked me up and laid me on the cool sheets. 

TYSON:  Are you ok?

ME:  I’m VERY good.

TYSON:  Good.

            He then pulled off his jeans and I noticed the rippling of thigh muscles beneath his tanned skin as he climbed in bed next to me.  As if by instinct, I immediately reached down to touch his body.  He was huge in my hands and I briefly wondered how THAT was going to fit inside of ME.  Tyson interrupted that thought as he turned me over onto my stomach and began lightly massaging my body, starting with my neck and moving his way down to my feet.  Then, I felt the full weight of his body on top of mine.  He brushed his member along the inside of my thigh. It was hard and warm and pulsated as it got closer to my vagina.  He placed the tip of himself inside of me and I moaned with pleasure and pain.  He slowly pushed a bit more and as I became wet, it made it easier for him to move deeper.

ME:  Hold on a second! We need a condom.

TYSON:  Ok.

            I reached inside of my bedside table and fumbled around with my hand.  Nada.

ME:  Give me a second. I’ll try the bathroom.

            I tripped through the darkness into the bathroom and opened up the medicine cabinet.  Sure enough, there was the bag of goodies I’d gotten from Planned Parenthood.  I grabbed two condoms and headed back to my bedroom.  Tyson was laying on his back, completely naked with his hands behind his shaved head and his full monty standing erect and at attention.  I handed him the condom and he put it on, then growled as he playfully bit at my neck and climbed on top of me.  As he entered me, I thought how perfectly he fit inside of me.  We made love at least three times that night. And I climaxed double that number.   We fell asleep for a few hours sweaty and nestled in each other’s arms.  When I woke up, he was pulling his jeans on and looking for his shoes.

TYSON:  I wish I could stay for breakfast, but I promised the boys I’d meet them at 10am for golf.

ME:  I understand.

TYSON:  Thanks for last night.  It was out of this world.

ME:  Well I did study astronomy in college.

            Tyson laughed, kissed me and made his exit.

IN DATING, A LITTLE FACEBOOK STALKING GOES A LONG WAY....

A few weeks had gone by since my visit with Rodrigo.  We stayed in touch through phone calls and sweet text messages.  He said he was excited to come visit me in L.A.  Maybe spend the day hanging out in Manhattan Beach, then go out in Santa Monica for some drinks and dancing.  But the funny thing is, he'd never actually commit to a date.  Then his phone calls started to come less frequently.  He was still texting me every other day.  He'd started out with texts like, "Good morning beautiful.  I hope you have a wonderful day."  Then they became a little flirtier, "Send me a picture of you. I want to see how gorgeous you look today."  There was also, "I just saw your new profile pic on Facebook.  When can I get you to lean on me like that? ;-)"  And yes, he did use the winky face.  Eventually the messages were downright freaky! "I can't stop thinking about you. I'm so hard right now thinking about seeing you again."

I figured before I invest anymore time and energy into whatever this thing was, I should probably do a little investigating.  So I called up one of our mutual friends from back in Miami.

ME:  Katie! How are you girlfriend?

KATIE:  Uhhhh.  Girl-I am exhausted.  Little Leah is wearing me out!

ME:  How's your pretty little princess doing anyway?

KATIE:  Lovely.  She's sassy as ever and full of piss & vinegar.

ME:  Just like her daddy.

KATIE:  Exactly.  But can I just give you a piece of advice?  Don't be a single mom if you can help it.

ME:  You're day's been that rough, huh?

KATIE:  Rougher.  But how are you Sweetness?

ME:  I'm good. I actually had a little reunion with Rodrigo a few weeks ago.

KATIE:  Oh DID you?  Do tell more.

ME:  Well, he invited me down to San Diego for his birthday.  It was really nice seeing him.  It's been, like, 7 years since I've been in the same room as him.  I didn't even realize he was living in San Diego.

KATIE:  You know he and Jana are going through a divorce, right?

ME:  Yeah.  He told me.  He seems pretty torn up about it.

KATIE:  Well so is Jana.  Do you know why they split up?

ME:  He mentioned that he wasn't the best husband.

KATIE:  That's an understatement.  He cheated on her.

ME:  I thought it was probably something like that.

KATIE:  You know how much I love Roddy.  He's been like an uncle to Leah.  Every time he's in town visiting Leah's father, they come by and pick her up and take her shopping, and to the park.  He's got a great heart.  He's also got a curious penis.  So be careful.

ME:  He's always been like that.  A ladies man.  A rolling stone....

KATIE:  A snake in the grass.

After I hung up with Katie, I felt a little bad.  I didn't want to completely write Rodrigo off.  Not yet anyway.  I mean, he HAD made the effort to get in touch with me.  And he was open enough to introduce me to his friends.  I shouldn't judge him because he hadn't told me the ENTIRE story about his divorce.  It's not really my business anyway....although I do wonder if he and his soon-to-be ex-wife Jana were friends on Facebook.......

So I logged on and began doing a little "Facebook Researching."  Ok. I was stalking.  But how else is a girl supposed to protect herself?!  There was no Jana at all on his list of friends.  Check!  Although there were quite a few comments from his friend Julie that I'd met at his birthday party.  So I clicked on her photo....and there were 3 photos of them- at a baseball game, at a bowling alley, and at a bar.  If I found a photo of them at a Nascar race, I'd assume they'd soon be planning their white trash wedding.

WTF?!?  It's obvious from Julie's Facebook page that she & Rodrigo's relationship was a lot deeper than he had let on.  For goodness sakes, I thought Julie was with that dude Brian. She'd been playing pool with him all night and Rodrigo had barely spoken to her the entire evening. And he had flirted with me openly in front of all of them.  Oddly enough, there were no pictures of Julie and Rodrigo together on his page with the exception of one group picture with 3 other people at a Charger's game.  This was going to take a little more digging....

And then I came across Brian's page. After a few clicks, I put 2-and-2 together.  Brian and Julie were not dating. They were cousins.  I navigated back to Julie's page to read some of the comments.  A few of her Facebook friends left messages about how cute she and Rodrigo looked together.  Hmmm.....so according to my Facebook deductions and my incredible women's intuition, I'd come to a deduction.  Rodrigo was hittin' that.  That also explained why Julie kept checking me out the whole night I was in San Diego.  And clearly, they were not in a committed relationship and Rodrigo was using me to make her jealous.  Or maybe he just wanted to keep his options open.  What a dick!

This whole situation was going to have to be tabled, because my first article for BE Fitness is due in 24 hours and I'd only typed three words.