IN DATING, A LITTLE FACEBOOK STALKING GOES A LONG WAY....

A few weeks had gone by since my visit with Rodrigo.  We stayed in touch through phone calls and sweet text messages.  He said he was excited to come visit me in L.A.  Maybe spend the day hanging out in Manhattan Beach, then go out in Santa Monica for some drinks and dancing.  But the funny thing is, he'd never actually commit to a date.  Then his phone calls started to come less frequently.  He was still texting me every other day.  He'd started out with texts like, "Good morning beautiful.  I hope you have a wonderful day."  Then they became a little flirtier, "Send me a picture of you. I want to see how gorgeous you look today."  There was also, "I just saw your new profile pic on Facebook.  When can I get you to lean on me like that? ;-)"  And yes, he did use the winky face.  Eventually the messages were downright freaky! "I can't stop thinking about you. I'm so hard right now thinking about seeing you again."

I figured before I invest anymore time and energy into whatever this thing was, I should probably do a little investigating.  So I called up one of our mutual friends from back in Miami.

ME:  Katie! How are you girlfriend?

KATIE:  Uhhhh.  Girl-I am exhausted.  Little Leah is wearing me out!

ME:  How's your pretty little princess doing anyway?

KATIE:  Lovely.  She's sassy as ever and full of piss & vinegar.

ME:  Just like her daddy.

KATIE:  Exactly.  But can I just give you a piece of advice?  Don't be a single mom if you can help it.

ME:  You're day's been that rough, huh?

KATIE:  Rougher.  But how are you Sweetness?

ME:  I'm good. I actually had a little reunion with Rodrigo a few weeks ago.

KATIE:  Oh DID you?  Do tell more.

ME:  Well, he invited me down to San Diego for his birthday.  It was really nice seeing him.  It's been, like, 7 years since I've been in the same room as him.  I didn't even realize he was living in San Diego.

KATIE:  You know he and Jana are going through a divorce, right?

ME:  Yeah.  He told me.  He seems pretty torn up about it.

KATIE:  Well so is Jana.  Do you know why they split up?

ME:  He mentioned that he wasn't the best husband.

KATIE:  That's an understatement.  He cheated on her.

ME:  I thought it was probably something like that.

KATIE:  You know how much I love Roddy.  He's been like an uncle to Leah.  Every time he's in town visiting Leah's father, they come by and pick her up and take her shopping, and to the park.  He's got a great heart.  He's also got a curious penis.  So be careful.

ME:  He's always been like that.  A ladies man.  A rolling stone....

KATIE:  A snake in the grass.

After I hung up with Katie, I felt a little bad.  I didn't want to completely write Rodrigo off.  Not yet anyway.  I mean, he HAD made the effort to get in touch with me.  And he was open enough to introduce me to his friends.  I shouldn't judge him because he hadn't told me the ENTIRE story about his divorce.  It's not really my business anyway....although I do wonder if he and his soon-to-be ex-wife Jana were friends on Facebook.......

So I logged on and began doing a little "Facebook Researching."  Ok. I was stalking.  But how else is a girl supposed to protect herself?!  There was no Jana at all on his list of friends.  Check!  Although there were quite a few comments from his friend Julie that I'd met at his birthday party.  So I clicked on her photo....and there were 3 photos of them- at a baseball game, at a bowling alley, and at a bar.  If I found a photo of them at a Nascar race, I'd assume they'd soon be planning their white trash wedding.

WTF?!?  It's obvious from Julie's Facebook page that she & Rodrigo's relationship was a lot deeper than he had let on.  For goodness sakes, I thought Julie was with that dude Brian. She'd been playing pool with him all night and Rodrigo had barely spoken to her the entire evening. And he had flirted with me openly in front of all of them.  Oddly enough, there were no pictures of Julie and Rodrigo together on his page with the exception of one group picture with 3 other people at a Charger's game.  This was going to take a little more digging....

And then I came across Brian's page. After a few clicks, I put 2-and-2 together.  Brian and Julie were not dating. They were cousins.  I navigated back to Julie's page to read some of the comments.  A few of her Facebook friends left messages about how cute she and Rodrigo looked together.  Hmmm.....so according to my Facebook deductions and my incredible women's intuition, I'd come to a deduction.  Rodrigo was hittin' that.  That also explained why Julie kept checking me out the whole night I was in San Diego.  And clearly, they were not in a committed relationship and Rodrigo was using me to make her jealous.  Or maybe he just wanted to keep his options open.  What a dick!

This whole situation was going to have to be tabled, because my first article for BE Fitness is due in 24 hours and I'd only typed three words.

BUTTERFLIES & SOFT KISSES.......RECONNECTING WITH MY HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART

I just got back into town from visiting Rodrigo.  If you've forgotten, he was my middle school and high school love.  He's in the midst of a divorce and contacted me through Facebook a few months ago. We've been talking on the phone, emailing and texting each other since we reconnected.  Rodrigo's birthday was last Saturday, so he invited me to come down to San Diego to celebrate with he and his friends.

I felt a little bit apprehensive about making the trip down there.  But my excitement about seeing him again outweighed any nerves.  Plus, my girlfriend, Nora and her family live just outside of San Diego, so I decided to crash with them while I was there.

NORA:  Are you excited to see him?

ME:  I'm anxious.  And a little nauseous.

NORA:  Please don't throw up. I just had my carpets cleaned.

ME:  What if we don't have anything to talk about?

NORA:  You have over 30 years of stuff to talk about.  You'll end up reminiscing over middle school and high school. Then you'll talk about all the things that have happened since you last saw each other.


And she was right.  When I walked into the sports bar an hour later, Rodrigo was standing at a pool table and instinctively turned around.  His face lit up.  Seeing his reaction made me smile.  Then Rodrigo walked over and scooped me up in a bear hug.  I felt my face flush and those damn butterflies started flapping around in my stomach.  

RODRIGO:  Wow, Gia. I can't believe you're here.  You look amazing.

ME:  YOU look amazing. Happy Birthday!

RODRIGO:  Should I be happy to be getting older?

ME:  Absolutely! You're alive.  You're healthy.  And if you point me to the bar, you'll have a drink in your hand in 2 minutes.

RODRIGO:  And more importantly, I'm spending my birthday with you.

ME:  I didn't think it was possible, but you've gotten even more charming with age.

We walked to the bar and did two shots of Jamison together.  Then Rodrigo introduced me to his friends.  Don was his best friend from an old job in Seattle.  He was a good-looking guy with bright blue eyes and dirty blonde hair that was receding slightly. Tall, fit and very masculine.  Turns out he used to be in the military and works for the government, but he wouldn't tell me exactly what he did.  My guess is FBI.  Don had flown in a few days earlier for Rodrigo's celebration.  Julie and Brian were a couple seated on bar stools next to the pool table.

 Julie was your average looking Southern California girl with brown hair.  She was pleasant enough but definitely sized me up as Rodrigo introduced us. Her quietness and presence made me feel like she wasn't entirely comfortable in her own skin.  Brian was the exact opposite.  With his chubby, bright red cheeks and a huge smile, Brian was nothing but laughs and a good time.  The kind of guy you'd want to take to a baseball game and chug beers with.  And then there was Marco- a hysterical little Mexican dude who stood at the level of my breasts.  And complimented them.

We all talked, laughed, and played pool for the next few hours.  Don asked me questions about what Rodrigo was like as a kid and how we met.  Rodrigo sat next to me all night, our knees touching.  Glances were exchanged.  I flirtaciously touched his arm and he put his hand on my back as we talked.  The night eventually started to wind down.  Julie and Brian drove off together in their car.  I offered to give Rodrigo, Don and Marco a lift to Rodrigo's apartment since they had taken a cab.  When we arrived at Rodrigo's place, I climbed out of the driver's side of my SUV.  Rodrigo met me behind the car with an enveloping hug and a slow, soft kiss.

RODRIGO:  Thanks so much for making the trip down here. It was really good to see you.

ME:  It was good seeing you too. (eyelashes batting)

RODRIGO:  I'd love to come visit you in L.A. one of these weekends. Take you out and show you a good time.

ME:  That'd be nice. (another well timed eyelash batting)

RODRIGO:  Are you sure you don't want to crash here tonight.

I looked behind him at Don and Marco waiting and pretending not to watch us.

ME:  No thanks.  I think the guys want some one-on-one time with you.

RODRIGO:  OK.  Be safe driving back to your friends place.  Text me when you get there.

ME:  I will.  Happy Birthday.

I hopped into my car and made the 15 minute trip back to Nora's.  The house was quiet. I dodged squeaky kids toys as I tiptoed through the garage into the living room and upstairs into their guest bedroom.  As soon as I laid down, my cell phone buzzed.  It was Rodrigo.
       
                  RODRIGO:  Just wanted to make sure you got in safely.
                                        Thanks again for sharing my birthday with
                                        me. With everything that's going on in my
                                        life, it felt really good to be surrounded by
                                        people I care about.

                              ME:  Yes. I made it in ok.  Thanks for inviting me.
                                        It was so great seeing you again after all
                                        this time.

                 RODRIGO:  Did I mention you looked incredible
                                       tonight?  I can't wait to see you again.

                              ME:  I'm blushing! It would be really nice to
                                       see you again =)

                 RODRIGO:  I'll make it happen. Sweet dreams beautiful.

                              ME:  Good night. Talk soon.

He said sex doesn't feel as good with a condom

      After leaving the BE Fit Magazine offices, I felt like a celebration drink was overdue.  So I called my girlfriend, Veronica who worked as an assistant for a record label in Beverly Hills.

ME:  Vergina!

VERONICA:  I hate it when you call me that.

ME:  I know. But I have good news. Guess who WON'T be standing on the unemployment line anymore?

VERONICA:  Who even stands in unemployment lines?  Isn't all that crap on the internet?

ME:  Uhhhh!  Will you stop asking silly questions and get excited for me please? I GOT A JOB!  Let's go celebrate.  Happy Hour drinks on me.

VERONICA:  Now you're getting my Vergina wet.  Where shall I meet you?

ME:  Rodeo Drive baby!

VERONICA:  What?

ME:  I've always wanted to say that… get it?  Pretty Woman?  Kit?

                            SILENCE.

ME:  Nevermind.  Just meet me at Villa Blanca.

     Fifteen minutes later, I pulled up to Villa Blanca and promptly pulled away.  $25 for valet parking!?  Were they kidding?  I mean-Mama got a new job, but she hasn't gotten her first paycheck yet.  I found street parking and hoofed it to the entrance of the swanky Mediterranean restaurant just in time to meet Veronica.

ME:  Hey lovely.

VERONICA:  Oh, please!  I just got my period and I feel like a bloated cat in heat.

ME:  Horny period?  That happens to me too. 

VERONICA:  Is it possible for a woman to get blue balls?

I laughed as the hostess led us to our table on the front patio. 

ME:  I think a woman can get blue lips, but not so sure about the blue balls.

VERONICA: Well in that case, my lips were so blue last night they were black.

ME:  What happened?!

VERONICA:  So I went out on a third date with Eric.

ME:  You're still seeing him?  I thought you said he was too short for you.

VERONICA:  Girl-I've changed my mind.  I've decided I like them short, white and whipped just like Eric.  And he's really been blowing my skirt up.

ME:  What kind of kinky shit are the two of you into?  What is he blowing up your skirt for?

VERONICA:  Gia, that means he gets the "Vergina" moist.  He blows up my skirt!

ME: Oh, ok. Got it. Go on.

(Veronica is from Trinidad & I'm constantly confused by her "Island Speak.")

VERONICA:  So I go back to his place after our date for a nightcap.  And things start getting all hot.  Next thing you know, I'm naked and he's naked.  And of course, I ask him where the condom is at.

ME:  And?

VERONICA:  And he says, he doesn't like them because it doesn't feel as good with a condom.

ME:  Is he serious?! What are we, in 10th grade? 

VERONICA:  I know!

ME:  What did you say?

VERONICA:  I told him what feels even LESS good is not having sex at all.

ME:  Then what?  Did he tell you he was allergic to condoms too?

VERONICA:  Nope. Then he said he didn't have any.

ME:  How convenient.  Then he asked to just put the tip in, right?

VERONICA:  I think he thought about it.  But I didn't give him the chance.  I put my clothes back on this hot body and marched myself to my car.

ME:  Good for you!

VERONICA:  I've had one too many slip ups, slip offs, and period no-shows to risk another one with him.  And we're not exclusive.  I don't know what other whore he's sticking it in.  My new rule is ALWAYS make him wear a condom.

 ME:  Speaking of condoms, I think my new boss may need one for his eyes?

VERONICA:  Oh, wow!  Already?  Didn't you just start working there?

ME:  Yes! But when he looks at me, he does that thing with his eyes that makes me feel like I'm wearing lingerie.  And not La Perla or Intenzioni, but Fredericks or TRASHY lingerie.

VERONICA:  Yuck!

ME:  Thank God I get to work from home.

VERONICA:  What's the gig exactly?

ME:  I'm writing for this online magazine called BE Fit and the owner of the company is this ex-Mr. Olympia.  He's tall with this creamy milk chocolate skin.  And he looks like he could still bench press a Ford truck.

VERONICA:  Ooooh.

ME:  But he's married. I definitely saw a ring. And I saw pictures of his kids in his office.  I don't know…maybe it's just me.  Maybe I'm being overly sensitive.  He's probably not even thinking about me in that way.

VERONICA:  Honey, look at you. I'M thinking about you in that way.

ME:  Veronica you're crazy.

VERONICA:  But so what?  He wants to bang your back out.  Big deal.  How many executives do you think hire someone because of the slight possibility of seeing their nipsy russels.

ME:  Veronica! He hired me because I'm a great writer!!

VERONICA:  Of course you are. And you've also got a sweet ass.  You just have to set your boundaries with him and everything will be fine.

ME:  Okay. You're right.  Where is our waitress?